Amy had a bright idea in an instant, and she ran to the bedroom and cam back with a wire coat-hanger, she undid the neck twists and opened it up, and together we threaded it through the courgette, giving it a bone of its own, so as not to break up once it was inside us.We both had removed our underwear, and had used '****seed', oil, to lubricate our vaginas, so I don't really recall if I was 'wetting' , self-lubricating, or peeing myself when Amy crouched down in front of me and helped to ease it up and inside me, and start the moving process, in other words, my first masturbation, the courgette was eight inches in length, quite thick, but it all went up, well, six inches did, as I warned Amy not to let go of at least two inches, I honestly thought I would lose it in there.Now here is the bit I desperately want to convey to men who just want to ask me, 'What did it feel like'?To start with, I or I should say, 'We both were up for it', we were if you find it hard to believe, aware of. " How is she?" Fine I suppose." It's not the same anymore is it?" No." I said, and I couldn't help it, I was starting to cry.Can't get used to losing youThat feeling of rejection after the indifference of Lisa's response didn't go away. I was, I suppose, the epitome of a hopeless romantic (although I preferred "new romantic" as the term then was), offering more melodrama than a Bette Davis movie and moping round the house like a fart in a trance.I questioned being Suzanne at all. After all, it was Lisa's affirmation of liking what she saw on the day of the Cordoba that made me go along with it all in the first place. The kiss in the toilets just made me feel if that was what being a girl was going to be like then I didn't ever want to change, a fact that was strengthened by the kiss when she left me at mum's.The trouble was of course, it didn't last.I didn't know whether Suzanne was the real me or whether she was just an excuse to hold on to the memory of those two kisses; the only.
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